This is a must-read post for all adoptive and prospective adoptive parents and is perhaps one of the most beautiful and honest responses I have seen lately. I urge you to read this adoptive mother’s words with an open mind and heart as she shares openly her complicated feelings on adoption and how her family came together. I commend parents like this one who are willing to learn, grow, and question in order to better understand and better parent their adopted children.
Maybe it is a language issue, but I do not find the tone of this blogpost very pleasant. It is overly emotional and seems to disqualify others from being ‘able to adopt, especially those who have never conceived. Maybe unnecessary to say that those who do already have a biological child and deal with secondary infertility have a much stronger drive to have a baby, this latter group has strong presence within the adoptive community. From the article I gather that Tiffany and her adopted daughter had some encounters with the birth family father the adoption, but later on the child only has a picture? If Tiffany is so very committed to doing the right thing, I would assume the birth family is still present in the life of their daughter and not only by pictures.
Hi Evelien- Thanks for reading the piece and for your remarks. I don’t think Tiffany is trying to disqualify certain groups from adopting when she noted that most people in the meeting she attended looked to adoption due to fertility issues. Infertility is a major reason many people seek out adoption, but it does present another set of hurdles and emotional grieving that doesn’t delegitimize adoption for couples, rather it complicates it further. I can’t speak to what this adoptive mother is presently doing to keep the first family involved, but her writing indicates an understanding of their importance. I enjoyed the emotion in her words, but I know we all have different styles of writing and receiving information.
Hi Evelien, I was the author of the blog post shared here. We are in an open adoption and our daughter has access to her parents that is completely open to all kinds of contact. We do see and talk with them. My husband and I have no restrictions at all to contact and welcome her parents into all aspects of our lives because they are her family. If this wasn’t clear, it was my wording choice. The picture I was referring to is simply one she has of them.